17 | March | 2011 | Intercamp

Individuals must define good sex and relationships for themselves

Between the Sheets with Angela Johnston

Intercamp’s resident sex columnist, Angela Johnston, explores sex, society and the every scenario within. You are invited and encouraged to send her your questions, and feel free to keep them anonymous.

Write her at sex@intercamp.ca

Why is it that men enjoy threesomes as long as it is two females and a guy instead of two guys and a female?

I’m sure there are some men that would be perfectly happy to have a male-male-female threesome, but it does seem more common for males to fantasize about a female-female-male threesome. I think one of two reasons could be at play: these guys are straight and not interested in male experimentation or they are intimidated by the idea of sharing a bed with another man.

If the guys in question are straight and uninterested in experimentation, you’re screwed (no pun intended) and would need to find other potential partners for a MMF threesome. The exception might be if you don’t so much want a threesome in which all the players interact, but a “double team” situation in which a woman receives pleasure from both men but they don’t pleasure each other; straight guys might go for that.

If the men are open to experimentation but also intimidated, there’s a chance that if things were taken slowly, they could warm up to the idea or situation. If you are interested in an MMF threesome, you could propose the idea to a couple of guys who are open or even bisexual and let them take the lead. You might have some luck if you let them take the initiative.

It’s always hard to decipher exactly why people prefer what they do in the bedroom because there is usually a myriad of factors that could possibly affect their outlook. It’s most important to respect people’s preferences and try to find like-minded partners. No matter what you’re into, there are people out there who would be happy to indulge you.

I recently broke up with my girlfriend and I’m quite hurt over it still. We broke up on good terms but she still wants to be friends. I’m uncertain with what I should do: still be friends and keep hanging out and act like nothing is bothering me (I still love her), or cut off contact and miss her company? She has been in my life every day and it seems as if it would be difficult either way. Help!

You’re right. It will be difficult either way; “breaking up is hard to do” became a song and a cliché for a reason. Breakups are painful, confusing and often messy. When a relationship is dissolved, one of the worst parts of the whole deal is often the possibility of losing a person who has been such a big part of your life. Depending on the situation and the desires of both you and your ex, you may be able to develop a friendship post-breakup, but these things take time.

I think one of the most emotionally dangerous things one can do after a breakup is try to be friends right away, pushing the painful and angry feelings aside in order to be amicable.

Those feelings are natural and shouldn’t be ignored and you must work your way through the grief and anger in order to start somewhat fresh with a friendship.

I think you should take the time you need to get over the pain of the breakup and seriously analyze whether having her in your life has more benefits than hindrances. Chances are your loving feelings will linger, but over time they may fade or evolve so that you love her just as a friend. At that point, you may decide that you want to have her in your life, and it could work out just fine.

Friendships with exes can be pretty rewarding and it means you don’t have to worry about the awkward run-ins that can occur when you separate on bad terms. The best advice I can give is to take your time. Do what feels right. Don’t let her rush you into a friendship when you’re not ready to be part of one. Lastly, “time heals all wounds” is also a cliché for a reason.